Sinner
by Cairnsy
Summary: A Heero/Duo song fic based on Neil Finns 'Sinner'


I'd completely forgotten that I had written this fic, I only stumbled across it on my hard drive while looking for another one. 

This is very much an old style of my writing - I don't write Heero/Duo any more at all, and I totally disagree with my interpretation of Duo in this. 

*grin* 

However, it's still a ficcie, albeit a poor one. 

'Sinner' is written and sang by the exceptionally talented Neil Finn of Crowded House Fame. If you've never heard him look him up - he's refreshingly original. 

Important note: When I originally wrote this song the lyrics were from memory only. Looking over it now I'm sure there are a couple of slight mistakes, but the dissapearance of my Neil Finn CD and the lack of drive to search for the lyrics on the net means it's staying the same. 

One line I did intentionally cut out. If anyone can fit: "the cuckoos call, Pigeons swings, you thought you knew everything" into a serious fic, you are way above me :) 

Lyrics are between ~~~~ 

_______________________________________________________ 

**Sinner**

~~~~  
see everyone  
got my ears got my face  
~~~~ 

The pale moonlight filtered through the cheap plastic curtains, sending a soft and almost surreal glow over the otherwise dark room. Climbing up the wall, the beams highlighted the soul two occupants. Almost sensually the light curved round the two forms, up pairs of long, lithe legs, round the slim waists, up to the chestnut brown hair that, loose from it's confinement of necessity it seemed to have decided to bask in the magnificence of the moonlight. Both figures like that of marble - frozen in place, their chiselled features the envy of all the ancient sculptures who had often tried to capture such beauty only to fail. The two suddenly move in unison, the movement only slight yet still the moonlight catches it . A large smile appears on both the figure's faces, yet as the expression falters, then disappears completely on one, the reflection - and the remaining bearer of the smile, remains firmly in place. Closing his eyes - thus breaking contact with the mirror, he lowered his head. 

"Damn" A sound, barely above a whisper. Looking up again he glared at his still smiling reflection. It seemed to be forever poised on the verge of saying something - most probably funny, most probably silly, certainly optimistic. 

"Oh shut up Duo" Bitterness. 

~~~~  
see everyone  
got my nose got my blood  
~~~~ 

"Let's try it again shall we?" Duo mutters, but fails to pull the smile in place. How could he expect to fool the others if he couldn't even pull his mask on in private? Rewarding the reflection with another scowl he half slid, half crumbled down the length of the mirror. His reflection never seems to have problems smiling or laughing or dealing with the harshness of the war, nor the blows dealt to him in the past. He paused and pondered briefly. 

Reflection - or projection? 

~~~~  
my conscious plays on me now  
~~~~  


So he projected that image of himself - so what? God knows the war wasn't depressing enough as it was - his friends didn't have the time nor the energy to have to deal with his problems. They NEEDED him to be happy, bubbly Duo for their own sakes - even if at the moment his heart wasn't in it. He knew that in his own twisted way, HE was what helped keep the others grounded, what often gave them hope that the future was worth fighting for. Plus, the image kept him ... safe. 

~~~~  
safe until my luck runs out  
~~~~  


Until someone saw though it all of course. Through all the heartache, the pain. The lonelesness. Funny how that thought didn't frighten him as much as it used to. And Heero ... 

~~~~  
raised my hands  
made a cross  
~~~~ 

Duo dropped abruptly to his knees and crossed himself. 

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. I ... I have fallen in love - at least that's what I think it is, as you know I have little experience in that area. The ... this person makes me forget the past, all the death, the destruction, if only for a minute. He makes me feel ALIVE Father. Isn't it ironic that the God of Death suddenly strives to be alive, to feel? I know that after the Maxwell incident I begged you to make the hurting stop, to stop all the feelings, and in time you did. That's why I became Death - because that was what I was inside, dead. But all that's changed, well could change except for one thing" Here he broke off, a sob escaping his tightly clenched lips. 

"It's Heero - a boy" 

~~~~  
Sinner  
I have never learned  
~~~~ 

"I suppose by now I should have learnt that maybe I'm not meant to be happy, not meant to feel loved - have I sinned that badly?" 

~~~~  
Beginner  
I can not return  
~~~~ 

"I wish I could just forget - but I can't" 

~~~~  
Forever  
I must walk this earth like some forgotten soldier  
~~~~ 

"Am I destined to always be alone?" 

~~~~  
these things I should keep to myself  
but I feel somehow strangely compelled  
~~~~  


"I know the church's view - but I love him father! If it so wrong then why did you make me fall for him?! And how can you can condemn something that just feels so right?" Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flick of movement. Turning back to his reflection he saw that it to was on it's knees, yet the look on it's face was one of peace, of kindness, and one of ... acceptance? 

"Thank-you!" He whispered breathlessly, excitement creeping into his voice, hope into his eyes. 

~~~~  
In the moonlight I stood  
wild and naked  
~~~~ 

Springing to his feet Duo laughed before prancing across the room spinning in crazy circles as he went. Their temporary base had been a dance school before the war, the room that was currently Duo's had previously been a warm-up room. As he laughed again, naked as the day he was born - he had been about to go to bed, two dozen Duo's laughed with him. The walls were completely surrounded with mirrors, they had somehow survived during the war. They were for the warm ups he supposed as he spun faster and faster his hair fanning out around him as the moonlight tried to keep pace with it's erratic dancing partner. 

~~~~  
I felt no shame  
just my spirit awakened  
~~~~  


He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so ... free. His God - his saviour, had granted him a precious gift - not just the ability but the RIGHT to love. Coming to a sudden halt he frowned. 

"But does he love me?" 

Instincts took over as he quickly spun around to his bedroom's door - unsure what had set off his senses. It had sounded almost like ... 

Heero was standing at the door, leaning slightly on the frame. Washed over by moonlight his features seemed so much more softer - so more vulnerable. 

"Baka" Was all he softly uttered, before pulling the smaller boy into his arms. 

~~~~  
Sinner  
there is no such thing  
~~~~ 

Heero gently pressed his lips to Duo's, electing a small groan from him. Deepening the kiss Heero closed his eyes . How long had he wanted this? It had been hard to admit at first that their was a flaw in his 'prefect soldier' reputation - if being in love could be seen as a flaw. It had been harder to accept that he couldn't act on his feelings - when ever he tried Duo's crucifix had been a visual barrier. Religion had no place for same sex relationships. 

~~~~  
beginner  
I have learnt to sing  


Forever  
I must walk this earth like some forgotten soldier  
~~~~ 

Pulling apart, Duo grinned. 

"Who knew that the Perfect Soldier was such a Purrfect kisser?" he practically purred. 

"Not perfect" was his reply. A pause. 

"I ... I care about you" he added, the words falling brokenly from his lips. 

~~~~  
From this face  
I am still disconnected  
~~~~ 

Duo opened his mouth, ready to settle back into his old routine of babble and light hearted banter - it was more familiar, and safer. 

Heero placed a finger on his lips however before he could even utter a sound. 

"I care" He repeated, this time more firmly. He knitted his brows together, unsure how to proceed. 

"But for YOU - not your image!" 

"I care for you - me - not the perfect soldier" he added, lowering his head, vulnerable and disliking it. 

"You're pretty damn perfect on your own anyway" Duo replied before recapturing Heero's lips with his own. 

~~~~  
The closest I get to contentment  
is when all the barriers come down  
~~~~ 

Heero smiled - minutely - but it was a smile neitherless into Duo's kiss before the two locked eyes. Gone were the shields that hid the pain, despair and desperation. Both boys knew that it must be a weakness to show such emotion so freely, somehow though neither seemed to care. Because above all one emotion out shone all others - love. 

~~~~  
Sinner  
~~~~  


~~~~  
See everyone  
got my ears got my face  
~~~~ 

The separate mirror images all faded until there was only the original one reflection of Duo remaining. A small smile graced it's lips - not one of fake cheer like earlier, but one of contentment. 

~~~~  
Is it my face? Is it yours?  
Can't see 'til I cast it off"  
~~~~ 

No more masks for Duo, or Heero, the reflection seemed to project as it watched the two boys give into what they had both so long desired. 

~~~~  
Sinner  
~~~~ 

The moonlight began to fade from the room as dawn approached. It glowed gently as it passed over the mirror with the lone reflection on it. 

~~~~  
Sinner  
~~~~ 

With a one last smile and glance at the couple the image faded into the moonlight - never to be needed again. 

FINI. 

What an utter sappy mush of bad writing! Definately not one of my favourite pieces, but it's one of the few where I've been able to use one of my favourite writing devices - symbolism. 

Cairnsy 


End file.
